You've suffered and now it's five years later. What are you going to do? Who is going to understand what it means to live with the memory and how are you going to keep living? If it's only just happened, there are numerous counsellors and support groups but if you're in that percentage who just took it on the chin and threw you're hands in the air…you're on your own. Many welfare groups don't have the understanding required to treat past victims of rape. So what are you going to do?

Rape victims usually fall into two groups: the ones that have learnt to fear men and those who learn to just give it away believing men are going to take it anyway. I find it ironic that the obviously fearful women are the ones that can usually find help in various counselling groups whereas women, who plainly don't care anymore, are left to fend for themselves.

For obvious reasons, they are the people I plan to target. They need the most help. I guess it starts with disbelief. It doesn't matter if you're a woman talking to another woman, friend or counsellor; they are still going to have trouble believing you. You're not afraid; you don't hide in your room and refuse to talk to anyone. You possibly self mutilate and possibly have an alcohol or drug problem as a result of being violated. So what's a gal to do? You've found out talking about it doesn't do much except alienate you further, your boyfriends tell you to get over it and you ask yourself, 'How am I suppose to do that?'

Simply… take a breath and tell your boyfriend to take a flying leap of a short pier.

The most important thing is to find who you are in all the emotional mess. Many women who fall into this category appear to be emotionally cold. It's a self defence mechanism which enables you to keep going. You may think you're doing alright but ask yourself; the last time you actually felt something for another man, did it freak you out? Did you feel like telling them to get lost or did you welcome the emotions with open arms thinking, 'maybe this guy won't be such a loser?'

Denial is a wonderful thing. Now, I could be just assuming and you've suffered no ill effects whatsoever. Pardon me while I call you a liar. Sometimes, it buries itself so deeply that walking that dark road becomes second nature and now, you are hollow, cold and dispassionate. Maybe you want to live like that…it can be addictive. But, if life has lost its lustre and you wake up in the morning wanting to do anything to break out the cycle, it's time to look around with a fresh pair of eyes.

Don't think about if this is what you deserve, what your parents' think or anyone else…this is about you. Look at your partner (if you have one) and wonder if he's the same as all the rest. Don't justify anything he does. Is he a good person all the time or only when he wants something? Is he critical over everything you do; does he treat you right?

I'm guessing you can understand now, why it's so hard to help past rape victims falling into this category. They sound like many abused women that litter our welfare system. Makes you wonder now, how many have suffered silently and fell through the cracks only to reappear beaten, repeatedly abused or dead.

If this sounds like someone you know, perhaps it's time to take second look at them. Were they always promiscuous or did it just 'happen'? If it only just started, ask them gently. If you come out right and asked if they were raped, I can almost guarantee their answer will be 'no'. Find out subtly why they've changed and be prepared for a verbal assault. Many women who fall into this category are very proud and will refuse to believe that they were a victim; especially, if the rape wasn't violent.

A lot of people still believe unless you've been beaten to a bloody pulp, you haven't been raped. Rape takes many forms. It can subtle. It can happen in the middle of consensual sex and it can happen with your partner. Sometimes, it can happen when you haven't the experience to know any different. Whether you voice that you feel intimidated, frightened, or actually say 'stop', and they refuse to acknowledge it… it's rape.

To the women who have had this happen, believe that it is not your fault. Whether it was date-rape, inexperience or just some bastard who couldn't take 'no' for an answer, you are not to blame for their behaviour. So you feel guilty for it happening? If you must blame yourself, blame the hindsight. Know that if it happened today, no one would dare do it. Content yourself with that knowledge and bugger the rest of them.